As a homosexual man of British-Caribbean decent, I have struggled my entire life to satisfy the expectations of the black community, while still staying true to my gay self. Growing up I often questioned my sexuality; although I recognised and accepted my attraction to men, I knew from a young age, that there would come a time when my parents would discover I was gay, and that this would be a significant and extremely difficult moment in my life. What I knew of gay culture, growing up, came from homosexual characters featured in British television sitcoms. I had nothing in common with the gay men represented in mainstream media. I think that black men especially, have always felt the need to act manly, dominant and sometimes even, aggressive. Maybe this is down to a long history of mistreatment and repression; maybe we feel there is a need to assert our strength and authority in a world that has constantly tried to pit us as unequal.
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Hardened men wore fedoras and forever smoked cigarettes. Women played the femme fatale role brilliantly. Love was the surest way to death. In this growing list, we gather together the noir films available online.
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Across the table from me was a South Korean guy who had watched videos of me eating KFC during his time serving for his home country's national military. He had told me that watching my videos made him happy and miss America. Now we were on a first date because I am a crazy narcissist.
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